Critical Case Reflection 1

 

 

All names have been changed to preserve the confidentiality of clients.



Description:
On Wednesday, I began my internship at Aspiro. All of the guides currently working there, as well as those to begin training (me), assembled at the Mount Pleasant field office. I was nervous but excited to begin. Slowly I met each of the employees, hear of their extensive wilderness experiences and realized how out of my league I was!

After meeting all of the guides one by one, I met John. John is a young man, about 23 years old, who is to commute from Colorado for work. He too was new to Aspiro like me and had not previously working in a wilderness or adventure therapy program. Well, as the day continued on I found myself becoming very annoyed with John. Everything he said, and did bothered me. I felt uncomfortable being around him or even whenever he just spoke. Once, in a joking way, he mentioned how the nurse the night before, showed him around the field office. He said, he "got some one on one time with the nurse...if you know what I mean." At that comment, I really felt a disliking for him.

At the end of the day, as I drove home, I reviewed all of my conversations with him and his actions. I could not place why it was that I did not like him and concluded there was just something weird about him and that I was not in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable and not liking him.

The next morning of training began by breaking into pairs to get to know each other well enough to briefly introduce them. John came straight over to me, asking to be his partner. Grr, I thought. I would have preferred anyone but him.

We went outside to talk, and as I got to know John more, I felt my dislike for him decrease and even dissipate. He is a smart, funny, caring, ambitious young man who tries so hard to help others. Over the half hour that I got to know him, I began to feel more comfortable myself at Aspiro because I knew someone more and felt like someone knew quite a bit about me too.



Assessment:
In my professional opinion, I think I was experiencing transference. Being new and feeling so insecure and inadequate with my wilderness experience, I found the person closest to where I was and projected my feelings on to him. I now realize, the feelings I felt towards him are the ones, I was afraid others might have towards me.

In the process of getting to know John more and feeling more comfortable myself, I began to see him more and more as a person instead of as an object to carry my fears and anxieties. Either I have stopped projecting these fears onto John, or, I am now feeling more comfortable and projecting onto him my newfound level of comfort.



Personal Position:
I do think I was the one with the problem and not John. Even though I have thought I was better than experiencing counter transference, I was wrong. It is very subtle the ways it can come out. From the time that I realized I did not like John, I remembered this assignment and wanted to really make sure I was not the one with the problem, so I went over and over the situation, ultimately concluding it was not anything I was doing to not like him. Afterall, it was against want I believed. But in reality it was against what I wanted to believe. As free agents, we do choose the way that we think of others. I know believe that but could not see in that situation how I was choosing in the moment why I did not like him. It was only after stepping back and after a little time, that I realized I was deciding not to like him because of what I was projecting onto him.

Also, I did not want to be the weakest link in the group (the one most inadequate) that I picked apart every little thing he was doing to make myself feel better and superior to him so that I might be seen by others as a positive addition to Aspiro. I was jealous of John.



Varying Perspective:
As I got to know John more, I began to understand his perspective more. He was nervous to beginning this new job too but was excited for the opportunity to use his knowledge of the outdoors to help others. Despite his nervousness, he was friendly, got to know others, and became involved through contributing to group discussions. I do not think he saw me in any less of a light because of my inexperience. He expressed me to the opposite, saying that he saw me as brave for trying and embarking on this adventure to help others.

Future Action:
I have learned several lessons that will remain with me and help me in my personal and professional life.
1. I have gifts and talents to offer others and should not compare myself, nor put myself below others because I do not have the same skill as they. I need to have confidence in that which I have but be humble enough to learn from others and allow them to share their talents with me. For example, John has had more bouldering experience than I have and I can allow him to teach me. I on the other hand have some social work knowledge and understanding of youth that I can utilize to help him.
2. I must be slow to judge, especially when I am feeling insecure so that my judgment is not skewed.
3. When I do not like someone, I need to take time to get to know him or her and their life story a little more, because more often than not, I have found that I really like them once I learn more.
4. I must be patient with my inadequacies and myself so that I can get the most out life and this internship experience.


 

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